A Compassionate and Practical Approach

Many people ask, in one way or another, how to handle emotional overwhelm. They might not use those words, but it often shows up as an emotional explosion—reacting with anger, fear, or disgust in a moment of stress or pressure. Deep down, they know this isn’t the best response, but they haven’t yet learned how to respond differently.

Let’s unpack this.

1. First: Don’t Repress Your Emotions

Suppressing feelings may seem like a way to stay in control, but in the long run, it harms your health—physically and mentally. Your emotions are signals, not problems. They need to be heard, not buried.

But at the same time, constantly reacting from raw emotion can damage relationships and self-trust. So, what’s the alternative?

2. Prevention Is More Effective Than Rescue

Once you’re already overwhelmed, it’s hard to undo the explosion. That’s why it’s important to prepare before the moment happens.

A powerful preventative strategy is setting a mindset. For example:

• “I will not take things personally.”
• “Other people’s behavior is more about them than about me.”
• “Discomfort is temporary; I can choose how I respond.”

By choosing such guiding thoughts ahead of time, you’re building an emotional buffer. It won’t stop all intense reactions, but it can help you stay more grounded.

3. In the Moment: Take a Time-Out

If you feel your emotions flooding you, the best immediate strategy is often a time-out. Step away from the situation to cool down and recover. This doesn’t mean escaping—it means resetting.

You don’t have to make a dramatic exit. A socially acceptable excuse like “I need to use the restroom” works well. Once alone, try:

• Splashing cold water on your face
• Taking deep breaths
• Getting some fresh air
• Go for a walk
• Grounding yourself by noticing physical sensations or the environment

This short pause gives your nervous system a chance to de-escalate.

4. Reflect: What’s Really Happening?

After calming down, ask yourself: What was really going on inside me?

Often, emotional overwhelm isn’t just about the current situation—it’s about a past pain being triggered, or a future fear being projected onto the now.

• You might be afraid of being abandoned like you once were.
• Or you might be reacting to a tone that reminds you of a past authority figure.
• Or feeling like you’re being judged, when really, someone else is just scared too.

By recognizing this, you can start to separate then from now. Realize that this moment is not the same as the painful past, and that the future is not predetermined by it.

5. Be Kind to Yourself

If your emotional reaction feels disproportionate, it might be a sign that a part of you is still grieving something unresolved.

Instead of judging yourself, respond with compassion:

• “It makes sense I felt that way.”
• “Part of me is still hurting. That’s okay.”
• “What do I need right now to feel supported?”

6. Reconnect with Your Positive Intention

Once you’ve calmed your nervous system and understood your inner world, bring yourself back to the present.

• What was your positive intention in that situation?
• What matters to you here?
• What were you trying to protect, preserve, or express?

And then ask:

• What might be the positive intention of the other person, even if they didn’t express it well?
• Could their frustration be masking fear? Could their sharp words be a cry for connection?

This mindset shift helps you move from a reactive place to a connected, compassionate stance.

7. Restore Balance with Self-Inquiry

Your emotional brain floods your rational brain in moments of overwhelm. But once you calm the storm, you can bring reason back online by asking:

• What actually happened (the facts)?
• How did I feel about it?
• What do I need now?
• How would I like to express or request that?

This process brings clarity and restores your ability to act intentionally, not just react instinctively.

Final Thought: Emotional Mastery Is a Practice

You won’t always get it right. That’s okay. Emotional self-regulation isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress, self-awareness, and compassion.

With time, preparation, and practice, you can go from emotional explosions to emotional intelligence—from surviving moments to growing through them.

Govert van Ginkel

This article is written by Govert van Ginkel. Govert specializes in Nonviolent and Effective Communication and is active in this field as a trainer, speaker, coach, and mediator. More information about Govert can be found here. The current training offer can be found here