Nobody wants to fail. It seems to be a general mindset that is so ingrained in our thinking that when I ask people about it they will say that failure is not an option. It seems that you must want and have to be successful just to belong and move up in our society. But is this true or is it maybe a limiting belief?
When you believe that failure is bad, the consequence will be that it will make you feel guilty and ashamed when it happens. Since you were involved in that result you may even see yourself as the cause of this failure and take it personally. Guilt and shame are unpleasant feelings most people would rather avoid. The effect may be that you will try to prevent the situation to happen (ever again) or not tell anybody about it when it happens. It gets in the way of an open relationship between people when you no longer dare to be honest and you start to avoid things instead of taking responsibility.
It seems to me that seeing yourself as a failure just because something failed is not the only limiting belief. The other limiting belief is that your negative concept of failure is actually valid. Life begins with trial and error and everything you learn requires practice before you become competent and accomplished. So, what we call ‘failure’ is, therefore, nothing more than another attempt at getting better so that we ultimately reach the goal. The first shaky steps in life are necessary to learn to stand and walk. Failure is not negative. Failure requires courage and willpower and shows the willingness to invest in achieving the goal. Failure is a necessity to get ahead!
Govert van Ginkel
This article is written by Govert van Ginkel. Govert specializes in Nonviolent and Effective Communication and is active in this field as a trainer, speaker, coach, and mediator. More information about Govert can be found here. The current training offer can be found here
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